In love? Read on
“For me? You shouldn’t have!” you say as you reach for the bow-wrapped heart-shaped red box, full of luscious cherry-filled chocolates. Valentine’s! Gifts of Love! But wait!
Love is kind; it’s also about passions, compassion, and caring. You want the best for someone you love; your kids, your partner/lover. If that’s you, do you indulge them? Do you over-indulge them? Is that kindness and caring?
A friend of mine smoked, a lot, thinking she was compassionate toward her needs. But on medical advice she chose to quit. She now understands she wasn’t being kind to herself when she lit up, knowing all the while the likely consequences. Are there ways you might be doing what’s bad for you but telling yourself it’s okay because the present reward so easily obscures the future harm? Do you over-indulge and then regret it? Is that really self-care? Loving yourself includes being honest about what is really best for you.
Author Kristen Neff writes in Self-compassion: the Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself, “I found in my research that the biggest reason people aren't more self-compassionate is that they are afraid they'll become self-indulgent. They believe self-criticism is what keeps them in line. Most people have gotten it wrong because our culture says being hard on yourself is the way to be.”
So try being moderate, thoughtful, and wise while still being kind to yourself.
This goes not just for physical needs, but for emotional needs, as well. If your child or your good friend is feeling bad about the way they look, do you body-shame them? Certainly not! Do you body-shame yourself? If you do, remember that it doesn’t help you any more than it helps them. If you think you love yourself, then ask if you’re behaving in a kind and caring way towards yourself. You may find there are much better ways to help yourself or someone else.
So show your love to someone, be it a spouse, partner, parent, child, friend … or yourself, you can bring flowers, a card, or dark chocolate. Chocolate? Yes.
Chocolate is a super-antioxidant! But don’t just choose sugar-heavy chocolate, or brands that contain additives that could trigger allergies. You know the kind I mean. Choose good quality dark chocolate with 70% or higher cocoa content. Dark chocolates do contain some sugar, but the amounts are usually small. The darker the chocolate, the less sugar it will contain. Chocolate tastes awesome while providing significant health benefits. It is rich in fiber, iron, magnesium, copper, manganese, and a few other minerals. Cocoa and dark chocolate include a wide variety of powerful antioxidants. In fact, they have way more than most other foods. The bioactive compounds in cocoa may improve blood flow in the arteries and cause a small but statistically significant decrease in blood pressure. They can also improve blood flow to the skin and protect it from sun damage. Cocoa or dark chocolate may also improve brain function by increasing blood flow.
So show yourself some love, and ask for some good chocolates, or give yourself some. They can even come in a red valentine box. As Lucille Ball said, “Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.”
You’re welcome to join TOPS every Wednesday morning at the Community Centre, from 9:00 to 10:00. We’re a low-cost, enjoyable, self-help program that cheerfully welcomes everyone. (Your first visit is free.) If you want to Take Off Pounds Sensibly with us, please call ...
Submitted by Amber Harvey
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